Just a section out of my writing, tell me your opinion. Part of a story im writing and want peoples opinion.?

I kiss Patrick goodbye as I promise to be safe and call him when I get to my hotel, for all the years I known him I just cant see anyone else as such a good friend as he is. His backstreet boy hair was always in perfect place, his eyes always loving no matter how he felt about the moment. He was always the brother I never had, he was a bit bulky, he always had that muscle but a little chubby boy was still there. He was loveable. Simple as that, the brother I never had; my lovable brother that never left my side. As I walked away I blew a kiss and told him “I love you, always! I’ll call you when I get to the hotel” Then blew him my last kiss before I turned the corner.


He blew a kiss back and waved “I love you to Katie!” and he knew then and there he had to get ready. Ready to begin his life, ready to start his life with the best friend he loved.


As I got onto the plane I called my mother, father, and sister to let them know my flight was about to take off and I’ll call them when I land. Told them each I love them and talk to them soon. They said it back; I texted Patrick to let him know I was through security and thanked him for the ride to the airport. As they shut the door, I turned my phone off, and put my seatbelt on. As I ordered a shot of tequila on the plane I started to relax my muscles, and fell asleep.


I woke up to the flight attendant announcing our landing and to make sure to keep all cell phones off till the flight has come to a complete stop. Nobody really listens, everyone got out their cell phone to make sure everyone they knew that they were ok. I was on a personal trip, I thought I would wait till after I got my baggage and got a cap would be a good time to call my mother, father, and sister back to let them know everything was ok. Next I would call Patrick.


“Hey Honey, how was it?” he said happily.


“It was ok, was asleep till we landed, did you know tequila; well one shot of tequila was five bucks? Crazy I know but worth it. I’m just not unpacking my things in the Hotel, its amazing.” I wanted to let him know every detail, that’s just how we are. I love telling him everything; but right now I was just happy to be away from everything.


“What! That is crazy, so want to call me back after you are settled in there Hun?” he said very generously.


“Yeah, that would be great. I’m just going to finish unpacking; and shower. Then go find something to eat. I love you Patrick.” I said as if I said anything else to him, my best friend. The one person I could never afford to loose.


“Alright, I love you, too. Bye.” Click.


I unpacked my things and got my purse ready, lipstick, gloss, Chap Stick, wallet, cell phone, tanning lotion, map of Miami, and a pen. I got my toiletries out and into the bathroom, along with my hair straighter. I turned it on high, and I turned the shower on and got in; letting my thoughts empty out as if the warm steaming water were washing everything away.


I got out and wrapped my hair up in the towel, a habit I picked up from my mom when I was about 13 years old. I put my cloths on; I choose a pair on lazy jeans, not too tight, but tight enough to see my curves. I also choose my yellow shirt. It shows my back, its also loose so its not sucking all the air out of my body like those models. I also choose to wear a pair of bright yellow chucks. I know I don’t really fit into the club scene but hey, at least I am getting out.


I put some make up on, mascara and some Chap Stick with a clear gloss. Then a tiny bit of blush to look natural on my ivory skin; I walked into the bathroom to finish up my look, as I straightened my hair I heard my cell phone ring. I walked to my purse digging for my cell phone. I look at the caller ID and it was my ex boyfriend Steven.


“Hello.”


“Hey Katie, I need to ask something.” he asked.


“And that might be what?” with a hint of attitude.


“Are you still friends with Patrick?”


“Yes, that was simply the stupidest question you’ve ever asked me”


“Ok well sorry I bothered you then, I’ll talk to you later.”


“Weirdo, bye” Click.


Steven was my first boyfriend. Our relationship is the type where you still care but they bug the living hell out of you. He always seemed jealous of Patrick for some odd reason, I mean Patrick is amazing and all but I don’t see him like that. Besides, who else would be there for me when jerks like him hurt me? The one who lets me lay on his bed when times are rough and lets me spill my guts out when he slowly rubs my leg with his hand while my feet are propped up on his lap. It’s how friendship should be, kisses on the cheek, I love you, and crazy nights spilling our guts out to each other just to feel better.


But Steven is just a weirdo to me; I giggled thinking of all the weird things he use to do. Call and say hello, then goodbye. Just wanted to hear my voice I always guessed; he also use to always use to kiss me every time I looked at him. Then he would ask me stupid questions likJust a section out of my writing, tell me your opinion. Part of a story im writing and want peoples opinion.?
Just a little helpful advice from on aspiring writer to another. Though it may be tempting to ask for feedback on the internet, it’s never a good idea for a multiple reasons. For one thing, the public can often be very harsh. And that is magnified when you put in online. People can say horrible things, and I would hate to see you loose your passion because some jerk punched it out of you. Second, people are thieves. If you post something really good online, anyone who knows how to copy %26amp; paste may steal it. And lastly, you may loose your momentum if you ask for feedback before you are finished.


If I were you, I would at least post this on a writing website where other writer’s can help you and it might be better protected.Just a section out of my writing, tell me your opinion. Part of a story im writing and want peoples opinion.?
umm its ok. work on the grammar though. :]