What to do when your best friend falls for you?

Okay, I'm in a bit of an awkward situation right now, and I'm not sure what to do.





I'm a 20 year old female and I've been friends with my best friend for six years now. We met in high school, had a lot of the same interests, and were always really close. We did everything together, shopping, movie nights, drinking nights, parties, coffee, everything. She's always been there for me through everything, and I love her like a sister. I've told her that plenty of times, and she tells me she has a closer relationship with me than she does her own sister, so that's really saying something.





Over the years in high school and now university, I've had a few serious relationships. When they didn't work out, she was always there for me, checking in on me, taking me out and doing things with me to keep my mind off things. I noticed that whenever I had a boyfriend and I'd spend time with him, she'd eventually start getting jealous and telling me I didn't put enough effort into talking to her or spending time with her. That's understandable to me, I mean, we have a really close relationship, and when someone else important enters my life and I start paying attention to that person, she would feel neglected.





I recently got out of a six month relationship about a month ago, and since then I've been having trouble dealing with it. I've closed myself off a little bit from family and friends trying to get my act together, but that's just who I am. I prefer time alone to think and figure out how I'm feeling rather than going to my family or friends and moaning about how horrible everything is.





Well, about a week ago, my best friend just totally freaked out at me. She got really angry, started yelling at me, telling me that I never make enough effort to talk to her, that she's always the one who has to take the initiative to talk to me or call me to ';check up on me and see how I'm doing.'; If she asked me to go out and do something and I just felt like staying in, I'd be honest and tell her that, and she'd get angry and pushy and start telling me I needed to be out and doing things and not sitting at home by myself. I can understand her logic, but why does she need to get so upset over something like that? I was only trying to be honest.





When she blew up at me she told me a lot of things. She told me how she watches me online on msn or on face book chat and wonders why I'm not talking to her, and she even admitted that she sees how long she can go in one day without contacting me to ';see how I'm doing.'; I was very confused by all that she was telling me and I told her I needed some space to think and breathe. It felt like she was suffocating me.





When I took some time to think about it, I realized more and more that she sounded much more like a jealous, overbearing lover than my best friend. I realized I'd had conversations like that before, but they had been with a boyfriend in a previous relationship. She even wrote me a letter detailing exact dates and times that I had last taken the initiative to talk to her or to spend time with her. I was totally weirded out by it all.





I haven't spoken to in a few days now, and I still don't really feel like I want to. I'm really freaked out by how overbearing and intense she's being...another thing I realized today is that she's never been in a serious relationship with a guy before. She dated one guy for a couple months but she wasn't in love with him. She's never been in love with a guy before, and she's 20 years old. I've been in at least three serious relationships and have been in love a few times, and I don't know why it's never struck me as odd that she's never had those experiences.





In fact, today she messaged me online and wanted to know if I could hang out with her tonight. I told her I had other things going on and she seemed to be okay with it, but then she stated before she left that she wanted to know if I was aware it had been four days since we'd last spoken, and she says that the six years of our friendship has disappeared and melted into four days, and that it is a pain so deep that she's never felt in her entire life.





I don't really understand why she's acting the way that she is. I'm worried she might actually be IN love with me, and if that's not the case, is her behaviour not bordering on psychotic obsession? I do NOT know how to approach her about any of these things. I've never been in a situation like this before and I don't know what to do. Please, opinions and help would be very much appreciated!!What to do when your best friend falls for you?
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hahaWhat to do when your best friend falls for you?
Hi :-)





Okay.. wow... I'm not entirely sure what I'm about to say so... Here we go.





Try to set her up with someone? If she wants to go out with you and she wants you out of the house then why not go on some kind of double date? That way you will be spending time with her, and you can see how she is with guys. After the date (If it went bad) tell her what she did wrong. Not in a mean way. But if she says something like ';He didn't like me'; Just say ';I think he did, but it was a bit weird when you started talking about your dead grandmother';


That's a weird example but I hope you see what I mean. But if she doesn't care about what she did wrong.. it might mean either a) she does like you b) she's a lesbian c) both a and b








If it's some kind of obsession thing, I think you should just ... go with it. That may sound weird but, if I was you I would just apologise and say, well... tell ya' what, every Sunday we'll go out for coffee yeah? So that she isn't so needy and angry, and doesn't have any reason to have a go at you.








Or... question her?


';No offence, I'm glad you care but... it's getting a little weird'; If you're best friends this should be 'easy' to say/discuss.





Or...


Don't be friends with her any more. It IS quite weird... especially the whole ';It's been four days thing'; and the fact that she knows the dates and stuff.





If she is in love with you... make sure you find out for definite... but you need to let her know you do not feel the same way. Bring up a conversation (Somehow) to let her know you are completely straight. Or if you aren't straight... just let her know you're not interested like that and you love your friendship and wouldn't want to ruin it blah blah blah








Good luck :-)








Kathi -
sounds to me like shes lonely. she probably misses you. what about other friends that she has? do they talk to her? does she ever hang out with other people?


if you're worried about it being a personality disorder you could


look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dependant_personality_disorder


or here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder


when all else fails, just talk to her. ask her why she's acting this way. if you really are best friends that should be okay.