Ok, here is my problem...unrequited love. I am gay. I met this guy 8 months ago who is a Barista in a coffee shop. He is 15 years younger than me. I am 35. He is 20. When we first met I immediately felt a chemistry of sexual attraction. I have excellent gaydar and always have. After getting to know him I believed he was discreetly gay or Bi. I am intelligent enough that I don’t stereotype people ever. I was in the closet until I met him and chose to come out to him thinking he might do the same and want to do something together. On two occasions when we were alone for a couple of minutes, he sent out signals or body language making me suspect he was gay. It was not flirting. He was pulling up his shirt and telling me to feel his muscles and bending down by me closely wrapping his arms around my legs showing me wrestling moves. This is a guy who does not like other people touching him by the way. Another time he was bending over giving me an *** shot then turning around and just staring at me for a few minutes. SO, we have become friends over this 8 month period and I have fallen in love with him. I was silent about how I felt about him until just a few weeks ago. He told me he was not in love with me because he is straight. I have been stuck with the uncertainty of these signals wondering if he was being cruel or just playing hi and low with my emotions. This is a guy who paints his toenails pink and wears them openly with sandals at work, his mom thinks he is gay, tells me when he sees a hot guy saying ‘dude he is hot’... He also tells me he loves the male physique but not in a sexual way because he is secure in his sexuality and has told me he has ****** two other guys 4 or 5 years ago. I think he could be bisexual, but he says your either gay or straight. So he met this woman who is 25. This woman he met is a student psychologist. I have seen a major change in him as if she controls him like a puppy on a leash. He claims after he had sex with her that he definately knew he was straight after having doubts about his sexuality for years. They have been living together for 4 months now. Him and his girlfriend are the only ones I have told I am gay. He promised me he will never tell anyone I am gay. He is really cocky and arrogant now and neglects all of his friends and family. His whole life just revolves around him and her 99% of the time.
Now that he has moved in with her, he brags about the sex marathons and it just kills me. He knows I am in love with him and it pains me to see the two of them together. She also knows that I am in love with him and pours it on thick when they are around me. I have come to know him as my best friend. I feel for him 2 months before she came into the picture. However, he told me he loves me as a friend and that is as far as it will go. He says he is totally comfortable with me being gay. I have accepted this painful reality. He has told me age is just a number and he has lots of friends different ages. So our 15 year age gap is not even an issue with him. This I know for sure. So, I shift to the friendship part of this. I have put 8 long months into this friendship and thousands of dollars I have given to him and lots of great gifts because I truly love him as my best friend. I even give him a ride home after he gets off work all the time only to drop him off at her apartment. I have spent hundreds on gas just driving 20 miles to see him and 20 miles home. I always text him at least 3 times a week or come in to help him close at work and clean up the dirt and filth of the day while he counts the till. He says all his time goes to his girlfriend and I understand that. He said all he has time for me is to just sit and talk for an hour or so. So we sat down and had a long talk which he told me his heart was not in it to be best friends with me and afterwards I became very emotional and broke down and stormed off angry. Every since then he is ignoring me, not answering calls or texts, or anything knowing how bad I am hurting. My heart is broken and I feel so used and alone. Looking back he always accepted my gifts and money but never called me once to do anything friends do or initiated any texts unless it was a question about her. How can I get over this man who I am so in love with and heal my broken split in half heart? This was not infatuation but true love and man does this hurt. Oh, I can’t get him out of my life because he still has a room at a mutual friend of ours house that he has not completely moved out of and wants to keep it as a place to “hang his hat” as he says if he ever needs to. My life has been turned upside down. I can’t sleep or anything else without thinking of him. My heart hurts so bad and I have cried enough tears to fill a lake. It doesn’t seem like he even cares about me as a friend as his omission of silence is so cruel. I am being punished by him for expressing my true feelings and who I am as a human being and it hurts. I feel like a piece of discarded garbage. Please help...NO HATERS...SERIOUS ANSWERS FOR A HURTING HEART PLEASE!How do I get over the love of my life shutting me out of his?
You have been cruely used, and you know it. He has taken you for a ride and gotten all he can get out of you. I have no idea where you are coming from, but where you are going is a dead end. Stop wasting your time and money on this guy, he has made it very clear that he is not interested in you except for what he can get from you. Time to turn the money faucet off. By the way, do not ever again try to buy someone's affections, it never works out well.
Please take my advice and stop being made a fool of. Every nice thing you do for him is being laughed at behind your back...you already know it. Sorry, I feel for you...but get your head out of your butt and get on with a good life. The one you are leading is going no where in a hand basket.How do I get over the love of my life shutting me out of his?
The best thing you could possibly do is move on. I do not suggest any serious relationships for a while. Just date casually until you get over him. I know it will be hard hun but you will be a better, stronger person in the long run.
This may seem a little different, since my situation is that i am 15, as is the guy i fell in love with, but we've got a similar situation. I love him more than i can express in words, and he knows it (He is gay, another difference) I spent a lot of time trying to get him to like me, and managed to, but he decided to go out with someone else. Now he talks to me about their relationship and will say things suggesting he still has feelings for me, but he doesnt want to ruin what he has with his current bf. What he does pains me. I found however, that the only way i could stop it was to talk to him about it. I let him know how what he was saying made me feel. We set boundries, making me promise not to take some of the things he says as seriously as i do, and he will avoid bringing up subjects that make me upset.. The way i see it, it may work for you too, to just get him to stop talking about what you dont want to hear, and though the feeling of love will still remain, the pain he inflicts will dissapate.
I hope this helps.
So after all of this, after he's told you he's not into you sexually, that he's straight, that he is love with and having sex marathons with a woman...and is totally self centered and totally self absorbed-----do you still care about him? Seriously, I think you could use some counseling here. Nobody needs to take that kind of treatment from anyone...I wouldn't treat someone I didn't like that way..(and he likes you?)%26gt;
I'm really sorry man! I too went through a ';relationship'; like this with someone I knew and saw as a friend. I didn't spend the same amount of money as you did, but it still hurts nontheless to go out on a limb for someone who could be interested in you only to find he doesn't feel the same way. For your own sense of self and well-being, I would take a break from him for a little while. Date other people, make new friends, put as much distance as possible between you two for a certain length of time. After said length of time is over, meet up with him again. You'll be able to review your relationship with him much more objectively if you do so. Believe me, I can relate to how you must be feeling. I truely wish you the best of luck and I hope you find someone who can reciprocate your obvious passion.
just think he hurt you, why should he matter to you anymore?
Dude, I feel for you because I have had my heart broken many times. I was loyal to one guy who wanted to marry me but broke many promises, for 3 1/2 yrs.
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Now, I am going to tell you like it is. You don't have to suffer.
Being heartbroken constantly, and crying every day, is NOT normal.
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These are things that don't happen because you are in love,
they happen because the other party has not treated you right!
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Now you really need to take a break from this guy.
Doesn't matter if he is gay or bi or whatever....
he has shown no concern for your happiness or well-being.
That alone should prove to you that he's not worthy of your love.
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Doesn't matter if he lives (or keeps a love-nest/ fooling around space) with a ';mutual friend';.
Do yourself a favor and avoid him.
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Now, what's this about you spending thousands of dollars on him, and giving expensive gifts?
Has this guy returned the favor, has he returned your money or gifts, or given you any gifts or appreciation for your devotion? I didn't think so!
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So, why are you obsessed with him? Believe me, this is an obsession (I was obsessed with the man i described above; a friend tried to tell me so, but I ignored her %26amp; thot she did not understand. She was right.)
I don't think this is true love, but it's a form of physical, emotional love and desire. How could you love someone who is so callous and selfish? What is there you could possibly love him for? Nothing you wrote here.
He is using you.
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My best advice: keep away from him, go out with other friends, and try to get over him.
Sorry, this is not what you want to hear...but it's from somebody who was in a serious relationship with a guy who needed her, and said he loved her, but could not get beyond his self-absorbed little world.
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Good luck. Find someone who cares about YOU.
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DUUUDE, that is so long I didnt bother to read it!
what was the question ?:P
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