My best friend's boyfriend and I are in love...uhh..help?

So, this is a long story short (sort of). I've known this guy for five years, and I've liked him for five years. He is dating my best friend and he has been for 2 years. We are all the very best of friends, we're all like family. There's another couple in our group of friends too and we do everything together. I've always been left out because I've never had a boyfriend.


Well over the summer, this guy and I got really really close. Best of friends. I had this issue with music a few years ago and I stopped playing. But ever since we've gotten closer, I haven't stopped playing and I'm so happy that I can do that again. He means the world to me and he always has. Last night he told me he was in love with me, and he has also liked me for 5 years. He didn't date me before because he thought he wasn't good enough. He's been considering breaking up with his girlfriend for the past few months because she's been treating him like crap.


Well this girlfriend realized she treats him like crap and now she's going to a counselor to get better, and she is. But this guy knows that no matter what, he could not feel the same way he felt about her 2 years ago. She is doing so much for him and he feels so bad that he wants to break up with her. She's also been my best friend for 5 years. We're like sisters. Recently we've been growing apart because she's treated me like crap too, and I just moved away to college.


We both know we need to tell everyone. I want to wait until I get home for christmas break, but they'll be mad that I hid it until then. Neither of us want this family to break apart or to lose any friends. We know his girlfriend is going to be devastated. She told me she couldn't even live in the same city if they broke up. I feel so bad, but it's so wrong to be with her and just have to pretend like he loves her. We're both so scared. I know people are going to look down on us because it's wrong to date your best friend's ex. I really do love him, though, I always have and I'm not sure that will end. He also says the same thing. We couldn't help falling for each other. There's just a connection. But how do we explain that? She told me that if I ever started having feelings for him to come to her. Even though every now and then she'll send me hateful messages pretty much telling me to stay away from him. Yeah and I'm 4 hours away at college. Make sense?


Any suggestions would be helpful. More power to you if you read all that. So best suggestion gets points I guess. Not sure how that works lol.My best friend's boyfriend and I are in love...uhh..help?
Oh sweetie, I have the best of experience in this kind of situation. The main fact that all couples need to know is always to be honest with those closest to you. If she gave you that privilege to go to her if you ever had feelings for him, then she already knows something is going on. Abuse is never the right way to go about anything in life. She is getting help but that doesn鈥檛 mean it鈥檚 for him or her friends. She is doing it because she knows that she has a problem and that she is losing him. She is only looking for attention from people showing that she is changing and that she is better than everyone else. Sweetie you have every right to be in love with him, love is not something you come by every day and if its been two years and the both of you are still in love then it is something you know that can last. She doesn鈥檛 sound like a very good friend either and the more honest you can be the better your friendship with everyone will be. The more you lie, the more people will get hurt. Let him figure out his own problems and if he decides to leave her then give it some time and just explain to your friends that you love him more than anything and it was never anything you two wanted to do to hurt anyone but if they could just see how much you two love each other, then everything will fall into place. As for her, of course she will be bad and hurt and she may not talk to you for a while or ever. But that is something you have to decide if its worth having her as a friend or having him in your life as your significant other. Maybe there are things he can give you that she can鈥檛. Friends will come and go, and so will boyfriends , but it sounds like to me that you two are meant to be and if you two have already said I love you鈥檚 then there is no turning back. It would be better for you two to experience being together and see what it would be like instead of always wondering what could have been. In time she will get over it and people will move on, don鈥檛 expect people to be all okay with it and happy for you, some people will be and some will be furious but those are the consequences but the people who are happy for you are your true friends. Go for it. My best friend's boyfriend and I are in love...uhh..help?
ok i read about half of what you wrote but these are the ';bluntest'; few lines im going to give you...





First of all its all Hoe's before bro's if you havnt heard so no wonder your friend is mean to you lol





Second, if he really loved you or ';loves'; you why isnt he with you?


A few months of thinking about breaking up? he doesnt know what he wants and if he would do this to his current gf there is a very good chance he would do it to you as well... stay out of your friend's and his relationship period its between them!!!





How would you feel if one of your friends was trying to get with your boyfriend? well i have had it happen and it turns out messy let me tell you!!! apologize to your friend and stop interveining because you want a boy...he isnt worth your friends relationship...





sorry to be so blunt but i mean if he ';loved'; you he would be with you haha and he isnt so yea lol sorry i hope that helped even though it was so straight forward but i think you can be mature enough to see my motive!
Of course you feel scared...but honesty is key.





Hiding things from people and disguising the truth always backfires, without exception.





It might backfire when you expect it less, as a matter of fact. Truth leaks, eventually, and think about how devastated everybody would be at that point, figuring out you've been leading them on and, in a way, lying to them.





You will lose people in life, that's a reality no amount of pretending can alter. What you have to ask yourself is what is really at stake?





You're at a point where you have to make a decision - you could forget about this guy and step aside, so you can save your relationship with your best friend. But in all honesty, it sounds like despite the effort she's putting into that relationship, it's hanging by a thread. So that may mean you'd step aside to eventually see them break up anyways.





If you truly are in love with this guy, I have to tell you go for it.


Love is something some people never find, and you might have to sacrifice a friendship for it, but that's just life.


You could lose your friend to something else at some point, whereas you could never come across somebody like this guy, ever again.





I'm not trying to say your friendship with this girl isn't important, but you are making sound like it's fleeting a little already..usually when people start growing apart, it keeps going in that direction. People leave...people change, life goes on. You learn and grow from that. You don't actually stay friends with your high school best friend for your entire life, very rarely does that happen.





It will be hard to tell her, that's for sure. But in the long run, it also means staying true to yourself, and that means a lot, trust me.


You are going to have to break the news to her eventually, and don't put it off too much because it'll just make it harder.





Be prepared for the worst reaction possible, so you are able to deal with it graciously. Be prepared for her saying things she might not mean in the heat of the moment - you are going to have to allow time to heal this one.





She might never get over it, and you might lose her over this, but life is about sacrifice. From then on, learn, move on, grow. Become someone different.





You can't please everybody in life. In this situation, either way, you are losing somebody you love, so it's inevitable.


If you're going to do something, do it fully.





Good luck with it all sweetheart, much much love to you...





Annaliese


xxx





You can write me a message if you feel like it.






Go to your friend without him at first and tell her how you feel. Hopefully you being honest will help and then she will most likely confront her boyfriend and he can tell the truth too. I don't think you should both tell her at the same time because it would hurt her more to see you guys close telling her that you two are in love and she is out now.
I think, if she treated you and him really bad, then you should be with him, it's not fair if she did that. She knew what she was doing, otherwise she wouldn't be having counselling for it. And to be honest she sounds a bit nasty if she was sending you hateful messages about him, well unless it's obvious that you like him in that way.
Without reading your whole story, I can see the problem. If you want friends, including boy friends, of any value, in your future, you need to build your integrity. That includes being able to picture how you would be affected if some one did this to you.Suck it up and do the right thing.
Well maybe she was treating you bad because she knew that something was going on between you and him. Maybe thats another reason why she is trying to work things out with him before you get yourself involved in his life. Also, if he was with her and told you that he is in love with you, then he wouldve broke up with her a long time ago.
Well, here's what i would do...





Hide your intentions of dating with each other first, get your intended bf to treat your best friend like crap, while u stay at her side to comfort her, convince your best friend to break up with her bf that is treating her like crap, and after the break up, get together with him and provide a long winded explanation straight out of a korean drama explaining to ur friends how u both end up together... o.O