Ok, here is my problem...unrequited love. I am gay. I met this guy 8 months ago who is a Barista in a coffee shop. He is 15 years younger than me. I am 35. He is 20. When we first met I immediately felt a chemistry of sexual attraction. I have excellent gaydar and always have. After getting to know him I believed he was discreetly gay or Bi. I am intelligent enough that I don’t stereotype people ever. I was in the closet until I met him and chose to come out to him thinking he might do the same and want to do something together. On two occasions when we were alone for a couple of minutes, he sent out signals or body language making me suspect he was gay. It was not flirting. He was pulling up his shirt and telling me to feel his muscles and bending down by me closely wrapping his arms around my legs showing me wrestling moves. This is a guy who does not like other people touching him by the way. Another time he was bending over giving me an *** shot then turning around and just staring at me for a few minutes. SO, we have become friends over this 8 month period and I have fallen in love with him. I was silent about how I felt about him until just a few weeks ago. He told me he was not in love with me because he is straight. I have been stuck with the uncertainty of these signals wondering if he was being cruel or just playing hi and low with my emotions. This is a guy who paints his toenails pink and wears them openly with sandals at work, his mom thinks he is gay, tells me when he sees a hot guy saying ‘dude he is hot’... He also tells me he loves the male physique but not in a sexual way because he is secure in his sexuality and has told me he has ****** two other guys 4 or 5 years ago. I think he could be bisexual, but he says your either gay or straight. So he met this woman who is 25. This woman he met is a student psychologist. I have seen a major change in him as if she controls him like a puppy on a leash. He claims after he had sex with her that he definately knew he was straight after having doubts about his sexuality for years. They have been living together for 4 months now. Him and his girlfriend are the only ones I have told I am gay. He promised me he will never tell anyone I am gay. He is really cocky and arrogant now and neglects all of his friends and family. His whole life just revolves around him and her 99% of the time.
Now that he has moved in with her, he brags about the sex marathons and it just kills me. He knows I am in love with him and it pains me to see the two of them together. She also knows that I am in love with him and pours it on thick when they are around me. I have come to know him as my best friend. I feel for him 2 months before she came into the picture. However, he told me he loves me as a friend and that is as far as it will go. He says he is totally comfortable with me being gay. I have accepted this painful reality. He has told me age is just a number and he has lots of friends different ages. So our 15 year age gap is not even an issue with him. This I know for sure. So, I shift to the friendship part of this. I have put 8 long months into this friendship and thousands of dollars I have given to him and lots of great gifts because I truly love him as my best friend. I even give him a ride home after he gets off work all the time only to drop him off at her apartment. I have spent hundreds on gas just driving 20 miles to see him and 20 miles home. I always text him at least 3 times a week or come in to help him close at work and clean up the dirt and filth of the day while he counts the till. He says all his time goes to his girlfriend and I understand that. He said all he has time for me is to just sit and talk for an hour or so. So we sat down and had a long talk which he told me his heart was not in it to be best friends with me and afterwards I became very emotional and broke down and stormed off angry. Every since then he is ignoring me, not answering calls or texts, or anything knowing how bad I am hurting. My heart is broken and I feel so used and alone. Looking back he always accepted my gifts and money but never called me once to do anything friends do or initiated any texts unless it was a question about her. How can I get over this man who I am so in love with and heal my broken split in half heart? This was not infatuation but true love and man does this hurt. Oh, I can’t get him out of my life because he still has a room at a mutual friend of ours house that he has not completely moved out of and wants to keep it as a place to “hang his hat” as he says if he ever needs to. My life has been turned upside down. I can’t sleep or anything else without thinking of him. My heart hurts so bad and I have cried enough tears to fill a lake. It doesn’t seem like he even cares about me as a friend as his omission of silence is so cruel. I am being punished by him for expressing my true feelings and who I am as a human being and it hurts. I feel like a piece of discarded garbage. Please help...NO HATERS...SERIOUS ANSWERS FOR A HURTING HEART PLEASE!How do I get over the love of my life shutting me out of his?
Move on. He has already told you that he is not in love with you. That is something that is more definite than what you think he feels. Also, he now has a girlfriend. Give them space. You would not want someone pining for your lover if you were in her shoes. Stay away from them. For your sake and theirs. For your sake because you are being played the fool and being financially taken advantage of. For their sake so that their relationship can go where it will go.
You have painted the girl as manipulative, maybe she is. But I cannot help think that your portrayal of her is colored by your feelings towards the guy.
Walk away, stay away. It will hurt yes, but it will hurt only for so long. What is happening with you now will hurt you far longer and deeper than that.How do I get over the love of my life shutting me out of his?
You are being had. He is playing with you.Like a cat plays with a mouse.Get loose and run. He will never be yours. Don't waist your life on this joker. Do the unexpected and drop out of sight,don't talk to him. Let him know you do have some self respect.and you wish him well,but goodbye.
Wow - a lot of stuff there! This guy is a jerk . Don't waste any more of your time or affection on him . Go find yourself a new coffee shop - good luck !
Wow, a decent question with a complicated answer.
Firstly I'm sorry you feel this way and I understand completely.
Secondly, if you want to get 'over' it why dont you try to find someone else?
It wont be easy, nor will it be something you want to do, but if loving a guy you cant have hurts too much then you should just let go and accept their choices.
There will be some one else out there for you, never lose hope.
oh hun im sorry. But boy it sounds like this ex friend of yours is gay from what it seems, and is just too scared to admit it. But anyways I suggest you sit down have a girls night with your friends ( girls or guys whichever) a night to just dish and eat and do fun stuff. After that I know itll seem hard but take a break from the dating scene, the right guy will come along. You dont want to have a rebound type relationship with someone. I know it hurts really bad and s may sound overplayed but trust me if he didnt think u were worth it, then hes not worth it. hope everything works out well!
i'm sorry, but i think he's gone hetero on you...
wheather he is gay or not, wheather u like him, ';love'; him or are infatuated with him, IN THE END U DNT WANNA END UP WIT A GUY LIKE THAT. We always want wat we cant have and sometimes we need to SNAP outta it n realize REALITY. I doubt that u would still be feeling this after 8months IF u n him ever did anythin 2 begin with. Since u havnt kissed him or anythin, u want it more. C'mon, u know better than that sweetie. Dont waste ur time thinkin something is gonna happen. Ur 35, u dnt got time 2 wait anymore. THE LESS U CARE, THE BETTER. Ease up, relax, treat urself n let him be. If he wants that woman then watever. U got sumtin better in this world for u. He treats u like s h i t. He ignores u. Take the hint n back away cuz he is bein senseless 2 ur emotions n thats the worst he can do. So give him the middle finger (even though its hard) and learn ur lessons. Remember he is a little boy compared 2 u. Dnt let a little boy control a grown mans life. Take care n good luck.
Wow, I'm so sorry. It seems like this guy was stringing you along for his own fun. I know it hurts to have your heart broken and stomped on. I think what you might need to do is take a vacation, or move away. Start out with a clean slate. Meet new people, have fun. Find new friends and just have some fun. When you meet the right guy, he won't pull things like this. I really hope this helps. I could feel your pain just reading that. I hope things get better for you.
Know that you deserve more. Accept that he doesn't want you. Find someone who does and move on. There's someone out there. Reclaim your dignity and go find him. Once this old boyfriend sees you move on, I promise you he'll be more attracted to you anyway. Pathetic is NEVER attractive; strength is. Good luck to you.
There's really no answer to your question. Getting over someone that you really love is not an easy thing to do and there is no answer or tip that could make the process less painful. With those things that he did to you obviously he doesn't love you (sorry, i know it hurts but its the truth) Maybe the best thing you could do is stay away from him for a while, because every time that you see him you'll always remember things that he did to you and the hurt and pain that he is causing you. Try to stay clear of him first, compose your self, try to gather the broken pieces of you, take as much time you need. It will not be easy and it will take sometime before the hurt subsides. But time will come and you will be able to move on. REMEMBER THIS: YOU DESERVE BETTER! From what i read your a great guy with a big heart capable of loving someone with all his heart and i'm sure there is someone out there who will be able to give you the love and care that you very much deserve. Good Luck!
wow ..... and this too shall pass........remember that. you are beautiful and you are loved......
my mom once told me that men are like buses, they come every 10 min
Most people would just say get over it but i can see that its not that simple first of all find a new someone maby if you can a girlfriend or boyfriend and see oh and im sorry to say this but i think he was a straight man using and abusing you at the sound of it at leest so try to stop crying and move on
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